At 10 years old, my life consisted of a simple philosophy: family, friends, and soccer. When my parents divorced, I felt sad, alone and lost. The family was no longer the same and my friends’ “perfect” families no longer felt like mine. My perfect trinity had been cut down to one love. Soccer.

To fill the emptiness I felt elsewhere in my life, I crafted a plan: at the age of 16 I would move to Europe to pursue a soccer career and elude the desolation I felt at home. I trained for four years, turning muscle into fire. But, the burning sensation in my legs slowly became a way to mask the deeper internal pain I was trying to escape. Soccer became my therapy, my escape, and my strongest crutch.

My life narrowed to the single mission: leave home to pursue a new life of opportunity and independence. I missed family dinners, siblings’ birthdays and other important familial moments; convinced sacrifice was the price of ambition. And, over time, sacrifice became routine, almost invisible. The guilt of missing family dinners disappeared, replaced by expectation.

When it was finally time to move to Paris, my emotions hit hard: excitement, joy, and ambition all mixed together pushing me on the plane to Charles de Gaulle (CDG). Four years of hard work had brought me to the position of opportunity and independence. For the first couple months, it was everything I had imagined: playing soccer at the national level, meeting new people, learning the French culture and language, and learning to be independent.

By the time my birthday came around in November, 3 months later, the excitement of independence was slowly fading away. On the day of my birthday, I woke up in the morning, without the standard red velvet cupcake lit with a singular candle (a family tradition), birthday song, and family to sing it to me. It hit hard. My heart ached as I realized I would have to be satisfied with a glitchy WhatsApp call with my family. I spent the rest of November yearning to go home, an ironic twist I didn’t see coming.

After seeing my family for Christmas break, my heart felt fuller, and I had a renewed perspective. I vowed to keep working hard and to stay strong. Returning for the second half of my time in France, I excelled in soccer, found passion in school by becoming involved in the student government, and spoke better French. Most importantly, though, I learned how to balance myself. I found ways to manage my growing soccer career, whilst maintaining a connection with loved ones.

When my time in France was nearing the end, I had experienced a life I can confidently say was unique. At the age of 16-17, I learned how to be independent, overcame homesickness, and discovered new identities within myself – all by crossing the sea.

Paris didn’t hand me the new life I expected, it handed me a mirror, a new perspective, showing me that my perfect trinity was never broken; I just had to restore my faith in its strength. It took sitting on the Champs-Élysées 4500 miles away for me to see that my family and friends were always there, even when I failed to see it. My obsession with escaping home blinded me from seeing the love and support waiting, right there for me.

I found that in chasing my aspirations, I lost sight of the people and values that inspired me in the first place. I pushed them aside, not out of malice, but out of obsession. For four long years,

I tended to not notice. I had to go all the way to the City of Light to find my own inner light, because now my life consists of a simple, yet stronger philosophy: family, friends, soccer, and self.

Biography

Maxwell Belleh. Grade 12. I play soccer. 

What is your main source of inspiration?

My father.

What motivated you to write this piece, and what is its message? 

The journey to how I found peace and happiness through hard work and persistence.